Tiredness as a Doorway
Tiredness as a Doorway
As I write this post this morning, I am tired. Bloody tired.
It’s not the tiredness of someone who’s been up all night with a newborn or a wakeful toddler (although those days are not long gone). It’s also not the tiredness of someone who doesn’t know how to tend to her own self-care - I regularly do so in ways that support me well. And yet, recently, it’s that background tiredness that I’m feeling. And it is heavy.
This is the tiredness that creeps up on a person who’s been navigating consistently inconsistent change and uncertainty over many relentless months – a person like me, and you, and the many people we know around the world. This is the same tiredness I hear about from so many individuals and groups I work with in my daily teaching. Actually, the hashtag #Can’tFocus has recently been trending globally, with weary people worldwide trawling the internet at large for top tips on how to get more focused amongst a backdrop of a global pandemic. Not to mention the now infamous ‘Zoom fatigue’.
This territory we find ourselves in is a long-time battleground, where the two key parts of our brain fight it out for dominance; the older, primal, instinctive brain telling us that threat is on the horizon and sounding the alarm, shifting us into fight or flight mode; while the more civilised, human, newer part of our brain tries to take back control in order to plan ahead, imagine the future, figure it out. A huge amount of energy is expended in this dance, and it is a dance that has gone on and on throughout our collective history.
Here are two true things about our anxiety experience as humans: first – that we tend to overestimate the threat we face (a hangover from our hunter-gatherer days, where being overly cautious helped us survive). Second – that we tend to underestimate our ability to cope. If we can rationalise the threat and reinforce our ability to cope, this helps. And yet, our default tendency is to expend a lot of conscious and unconscious energy on thoughts and fears of the what ifs, endless spinning angst about the unknown - our good old negativity-biased brains at play. This is our most basic survival programming; inbuilt, powerful and very draining within a modern setup. While our hunter-gatherer ancestors faced a lot of stressful situations, they also tempered and regulated their nervous systems with a lot of daily movement, living off the land and being outdoors most of the time. Flash forward several millennia and the combination of the amount of information we ingest in the digital age, our generally sedentary lifestyle, lack of true rest and tech-addictions: we are simply not built to live this way..
… And then there’s 2020.
This has been a year of change to an extent many cannot remember in living memory. On a personal level, I decided to write about all the things that have changed for me over the last 8 months, and here are the top 5:
I moved house 2 days before lockdown, whilst having Covid-19 along with my husband.
I stopped working in two of my roles, teaching work has exploded & I’ve started a new business.
I managed shared childcare of a toddler and my two step daughters moved in.
I supported friends, family members, neighbours and my community.
I experienced one lockdown and entered another.
I wonder what your top five changes are? Perhaps very little has happened over these last months, and perhaps that in itself has been just as draining, in a different way.
I found this spontaneous writing practice helpful, simply to take stock of where I’ve been. And the research speaks to this – that when we can write, consolidate, reflect and take stock, our mental health and wellbeing greatly benefit. If you’re anything like 74% of the people working from home recently surveyed, you will have had at least one moment over the last few months where you’ve felt overwhelmed to the extent that you felt unable to cope. In many ways it’s not surprising research, and yet also absolutely staggering. That’s a lot of people (and a lot of overwhelm) with a general lack of awareness about what to do in order to help ourselves as this pandemic continues.
In order to cope, regenerate and rejuvenate, we first need to take a moment. A moment to reflect, take stock, and to more deeply hear ourselves. To actually listen to our tiredness, rather than just acknowledge it. This won’t make us magically alert and replenished straight away, but we’ll spend a lot less energy resisting how we’re actually feeling. I see it as a kind of doorway we can open - our tiredness is sending us a message - and if we are receptive to hearing it, and taking action, it’s surely a call to more clarity, energy and vitality.
So, with this in mind, here’s what my tiredness is telling me today:
Be compassionate and kind to yourself. This isn’t a time for pushing or punishing, it’s a time to allow yourself to drop the ball – many times if you need to. You’re not working at your best, likely not feeling your best, and that’s ok. This doesn’t mean you’re allowing your standards to slip, it means you’re ok with being good enough rather than expecting constant excellence in a difficult time.
Do some ‘high-voltage’ activity. After 7 months of being mostly at home, the baths and the relaxing self-care isn’t cutting it. My blood wants to pump around my body more, and I want to move.
Use your rest time to actually rest and listen to what your body and mind want. Do you actually want to drink wine, sit still and watch something? Or is your body telling you you want stillness, relaxation, stimulation? What other forms might it take? Would some gentle movement like yoga work better sometimes? Are you craving stillness, perhaps through meditation? What about a creative hobby?
I wonder what your tiredness is telling you. Maybe there’s a doorway in there somewhere, and a threshold you’re being invited to cross.
If you want the chance to journey deeper inside, to rejuvenate and turn over a new leaf after one hell of a year, my half-day immersion in January might be what you’re after. I will be sharing tools to stay grounded and trust your inner guidance and wisdom in the face of so much noise and uncertainty. This will be an opportunity to get clear on who you want to be in 2021 and what you want to leave behind for good alongside a group of inspiring, compassionate, kind souls.
